Top Secret Apple Review

"A Dead-End Conspiracy Theory"

58
Barely Worth It
Top Secret Apple

Not much is known about this mystery apple still being concocted in upstate New York by the likely Illuminati backed powers-that-be at the Honeycrisp Orchards. Pivotal information such as lineage, robustness, and breeding are being held under strict lock and key leaving the unworthy masses of sheeple in the dark about this fruity enigma. Unfortunately, this is one secret that may be best kept under wraps. Extremely juicy, yes, but with lizard skin worthy of a Reptilian shape-shifter and a taste as unpleasant as a conversation with Alex Jones this apple should be ignored like an unhinged post on 4Chan.

Taste
Crispness
Skin
Flesh
Juiciness
Density
Beauty
Branding
Cost/Availability

- FLAVOR PROFILE -

SWEETNESS

2/5

Red Apple Icon
2/5

TARTNESS

2/5

Red Apple Icon
2/5

INTENSITY

2/5

Red Apple Icon
2/5
TOP SECRET APPLE BIO

PARENTAGE

???

ORIGIN

Marlboro, New York

YEAR

Not Yet Released

AVAILABILITY

???

BEST USES

Munching

OTHER NAMES

Name Change Forthcoming

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