Opal Apple Review
"A Tasty Unwiped Anus"
The Opal apple looks like it shit itself. I apologize for being uncouth but there is no more apt observation. Just look at the top of it. The Opal apple looks like a jaundiced, freckled, unwiped anus. In fact, this may be the ugliest apple of the modern era. That being said, if you’re going to be an ass, you might as well be a good ass. And like a good ass, the Opal apple is exceptionally sweet and juicy. In fact, the complex flavor profile featuring hints of banana, coconut, and pear make this Czech-born, oddly-named monstrosity a delight to consume. And while the outside may be stained with a toddler’s accident, in an ironic twist, the interior of the apple does not brown for quite some time. So I say, if you’re looking to spice up your life with something a little different, close your eyes and eat ass. Who am I to judge?
BONUS POINTS: +2 Taste
- FLAVOR PROFILE -
OPAL APPLE BIO
Golden Delicious x Topaz
Late Fall – Early Summer
Similar to Opal
- Aurora Golden Gala
- SugarBee Apples
- GoldRush Apples
14 thoughts on “Opal Apple Review”
Now I do want to try it! LMAO
I should just start saying “ditto”. Found them at a higher end grocery store and the produce manager helped me pick out a nice one, golden with a faint blush. He said the quality goes downhill quickly when they get soft and this one was still decently crisp, and the flavor truly is unique. Doesn’t make the top of my list but I strongly recommend trying at least once for the experience. May buy again if I’m in the mood for something different.
I also grabbed one that was a bit greener, which he said have a different flavor profile. TBD whether it’s any good or not.
I found my Opal apples in three pound bags at Walmart for about $1.50 a pound. No “high end stores” for me, thank you. They were the perfect eating size for our rather normal appetites. They were a lovely, warm yellow with sugar freckles like a ripening banana and as time passed developed a wonderfully tempting soft blush that remained attractively enticing for a couple weeks so when they were gone I ordered more. They remained pretty, crisp and juicy until their consumption. I am not much of a gourmet but I know what I like and what my family will eat until it is gone and clever vulgar words will not deter me. I believe some folks eat snails and fungus off oak tree roots dug out by pigs and they like it.
I agree that the apple tastes good. But if you look at the top of it, it does look like it shit itself.
it tastes like a pear
Very tasty apple – visual descriptions unfortunately spot on.
I have historically been relatively indifferent to apples, rarely ate them, and certainly held no strong preference for one variety – until I discovered opals. This is my favorite apple, and I now look forward to the fall season when they are available. As such, I was quite curious to see how it is reviewed; I was not disappointed – I cannot unsee the shit stains and, I now love this apple even more. While this review is without doubt among the most well written in the history of apple reviews, I believe appearance may be weighted too heavily in the scoring in the opal’s case (I personally find it’s fecal crown quite endearing). Despite its appearance, its taste is quite lovely and unique, and I would strongly encourage readers to try one.
Yeah, I agree, if you can get past (or even learn to love) the poo-hole top, the Opal is very juicy and delicious.
Where is your review of Topaz, my favorite Apple by a wide margin.
I haven’t had a chance to try one of those yet, I’ll be on the look out!
Found these at a PriceRight in Springfield MA. They had an interesting appearance to say the least. BUT boy are they good. They give Honey Crisp apples a run for their money. Glad I found them, Unfortunately, I’ve never seen them in the Boston area. As for the fungus off of oak tree roots, I enjoy that too, so that may color my viewpoint. And there’s nothing like pig & chicken feet done right. And don’t get me started on cheek meat and toungue
Warren went off the rails at the end lol
ngl i have to agree with mathew
This is my favorite apple, yet I never realized the similarities. Flavor is insane and I’m glad I’m not the only one who thinks so. Yay opal!!