Sweet Orin Apple Review
"The Imposter Apple"
33
Horse Food
Slap a hefty, yellow-green leather jacket on a rotting, juiceless pear and you will have an indistinguishable facsimile of the Sweet Orin Apple. The third most popular apple in Japan, the Orin, pronounced “oh-rin” means “King of Apples” which, I assume is meant as a cheeky insult, since it is not even the king of apples in its own country. And rightfully so, since each bite of this squelchy imposter reveals a flesh-clump of Bartlett-esque tropical flavored baby wipes metastasizing under a weather-beaten tarp it brazenly calls skin. Do not be fooled by the name – the Sweet Orin Apple is nothing more than a savorless shit-pear doing a mirthless impression of an apple, and failing.
Taste
Crispness
Skin
Flesh
Juiciness
Density
Beauty
Branding / CONSISTENCY
Cost / Availability
- FLAVOR PROFILE -
SWEETNESS
1.5/5
★★★★★ Rated 1.5 out of 5
TARTNESS
0/5
★★★★★ Rated 0 out of 5
INTENSITY
1/5
★★★★★ Rated 1 out of 5
Hey there fellas, Phil McKrakin here, just wanted to say that I recently bought a batch of these apples from an Ingles. I could only bring myself to eat one apple from the entire batch. The apples tasted like that piss ring that sometimes forms inside the toilet. I placed the apples in the very back of my kitchen pantry, where they got extremely moldy before I threw them out. Would not recommend to a soul. Take care y’all.
10/10 tastes like my best friends bootyhole
best:
jim
Just found this website today thanks to Instagram. This is the first apple I actually got to see by searching the term “apple”. I was not disappointed and honestly this website will forever be in my bookmarks since these reviews are so pleasant to read. Thank you so much for this website whoever you are and I want you to know I feel a bit more complete as a person for knowing this website exists.
hmmmm, an imposter named orin? hmmmm, now where have i heard THAT before???
Shit-pear lol