Juici (Juic!) Apple Review
"A Pandering Litigious Gigolo"
The Juic! Apple (pronounced “Juicy” and not “Jwik!” as the spelling would imply) is a controversial, social media influencer backed, try-hard whose positive qualities are mired by an absolute shit personality. Bred in idyllic Wenatchee, Washington with powerhouse parents Honeycrisp and Braeburn, this apple is thin-skinned, long-lasting, has a great crunch, and above all is incredibly juicy (or Juic! as some spell it).
But don’t be fooled by the failed Olympics logo that brands the Juic! Delite™ – none of the aforementioned superlatives can compensate for an insipid flavor profile that lacks any discernible character. Worst of all, this litigious gigolo sued small-town apple growers in New England for trying to rebrand their Jonagold Apple to the JuicyGold. No one in Appleandia should own the word “Juicy”. The lawsuits, the social media influencer outreach, and the name with an ! at the end all scream of corporate execs pandering to younger generations and falling on their face with an audible Jwik!
- FLAVOR PROFILE -
SWEETNESS
2/5
TARTNESS
1/5
INTENSITY
2/5
JUICI APPLE BIO
PARENTAGE
ORIGIN
Wenatchee, Washington
YEAR
2017
SEASON
Late Fall – Winter
BEST USES
OTHER NAMES
Juici Delite™
I’m trying Juic! for the first time and am painfully underwhelmed. To be fair to the variety, I picked my acceptably turgid apple out of a pile of mostly soft and wrinkled offerings–an indicator I’m not getting the best of the best. The crispness is good and I find myself aspirating on the rivers of juice, but there is only a mild flavor and sweetness.
Ran across some discount “Jwik” apples at the local supermarket. I’m dedicated to trying as many new apples as I can, even those with less than stellar reviews, so I grabbed the firmest two I could find – they were either stored poorly or have low holding ability, because some were straight up squishy. The ones I got did have acceptable texture for late season – probably on their way out but still decent crunch, and I’m sure they’re better earlier.
It should be noted that when I pulled up this review in the store I made a point of reading the comments to check whether I’d had it before, since my memory isn’t the greatest. I try to leave a comment on every variety I try. Apparently I failed to do so on this one, because as soon as I took a bite I immediately recognized the flavor – or rather, lack thereof. There’s still plenty of juice even this late in the season, but it’s juice that tastes like paper. My taste buds kept waiting for the flavor to hit – sweet, tart, rotten, anything – but the flavor never came. THE FLAVOR NEVER CAME! (IYKYK.)
I still finished it because a total lack of flavor is less objectionable than BAD flavor, and as mentioned before the texture is still tolerable – I can’t stand a mealy apple. Mediocre is the perfect description for this apple. It’s something to put in your stomach if you’re hungry, and lacks enough character to be UNpleasant, but I have a hard time believing anyone has actually enjoyed one either. There’s just nothing about it that would elicit a strong reaction of any kind. It’s a concept of an apple. (A concept of a plan of an apple?)
Coincidentally, I ate this while re-watching Adventure Beast yet again and mourning it never getting renewed. Netflix doesn’t know what they’re missing. As a natural resources graduate with a love of adult animation and twisted sense of humor, this is right up my alley.
You’re the best!
These apples are awesome I love the crisp, crunchiness and the taste is to die for.. these are what real apples taste like.. I live in California and things are expensive.. I found them $1.49lb and all the other apples were $2.99lb so I jump on it and it was the best decision I ever made… My daughter andi ate those apples so fast I had to go back yesterday to grab some more before the sale ended.. I got 8lbs this time.. If you see these apples don’t walk run and buy a bunch…
I will stick with the Fuji apple as the juiciest and when you get one that is sweet also….no other can compare…and that is my final answer
Had some good bites and could be an upgrade for ppl who think granny smiths are good
this one is so painfully average . reminds me of gala.
I hated this apple. Took one bite and it tasted exactly how a new sneaker smelled. If you want to try, go to a Dick’s Sporting Goods and sniff some of the sneaker boxes.
maybe i got a bad apple…
Ridiculous review. This is a fantastic apple. Mealy? Try one that has been picked and stored properly. Insipid flavor? You shouldn’t be reviewing apples.
Exactly. These are possibly the best apples I’ve ever tasted. Fuji’s were my favorite and now these are right up there. Not mealy at all. Super crisp, sweet and tangy.
Huh. I think we must’ve had quite different Juici apples. I got a few pounds of Juicis (for the seductive price of 99¢/2lbs) for the first time today, cut one open, and found their flavor comparable-while-slightly-inferior to the Honeycrisps I’ve been eating all week. More intense for a second with the initial hit of JUICE and then the flavor chewed out of it faster than the Honeycrisps. But fairly sweet and fairly tart – I can’t imagine rating this a 1/5 for the latter.
Texturewise I agree with your assessment. The flesh is a little softer, a touch mealier, but not to any extent I have a problem with – this is in comparison to the snap of the Honeycrisp, so it’s still solidly up there in crispness. Noticeably less dense.
If a Honeycrisp is a 95/100, to me this is solidly like… 80, 82. A letter grade below, but not a gap of 30 points.
I also found the slightly dimpled skin rather charming, though I’ll grant that the coloration was neither distinctive nor particularly gorgeous.
Currently on my 2nd Apple of this brand but I don’t like it. It’s hard than the 2 other apple brands I ate before trying this out and the taste leaves much to be desired.
Blasé means not easily impressed, generally due to previous experience, not unimpressive. No judgement, I used to use it that way too until someone Internet rando kindly shamed me.
Okay, I’ll change it
My palate was met with a mealy specimen of this fruit. The texture and taste transported me back to my childhood, reminiscent of the lackluster apples I once found in my second-grade lunchbox circa 1997. While it may provide a sense of nostalgia, it falls short in terms of overall quality and satisfaction.
THEAPPLEIST What do you have to say about these terrible ratings for all the Apples alike
This apple is so juic! that my teeth began to liquify when they came in contact with the moisture rich body of this immaculate fruit. I haven’t seen something so fruity since my uncle went to that bar dressed like Rihanna for Holloween. Once you have a bite of this forever fruit you will live forever and you cancer will be cured despite what those damn liberals keeps telling me. “YOU CAN’T MAKE ME GET RID OF MY BACKYARD FIRING RANGE WITH THE SCHOOL KID TARGETS!” I tell them as they sob their liberal tears right into my Ajit Pai drinking mug. Yeah remember that douchbag that made to internet a corporate playground for those of us that just want to watch cat videos and jerk off in the privacy of our own homes. Anyway 8/10 can’t really relate.
Haha – I’ve read on the nutrition label that these were possible side effects of eating the apple. Now I see that it is all true.
things heating up in the apple fandom
Right this is sending me