cripps pink

Sundowner (Cripps Red) Review

"Pink Lady's Ugly Brother"

67
Mediocre
Cripps Red Apple

The ugly brother of the Pink Lady, the Sundowner apple also known as Cripps Red, lacks the panache of its more popular sister but works with what its got to carve out an amicable reputation when not lost in the shadow of its superior sibling. Tart off the tree and sweeter as time goes on, the Sundowner fecklessly swats at a relevance it will never obtain as it attempts to discern an identity apart from “Pink Lady’s brother”. Alas, the writing is on the wall for this genetic lottery loser as it will never overcome its less-than-stellar appearance and upsettingly stupid name to be seen for the complex array of untapped potential it wishes it was.

Taste
Crispness
Skin
Flesh
Juiciness
Density
Beauty
Branding
Cost/Availability

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SWEETNESS

2/5

Red Apple Icon
★★★★★ 2/5

TARTNESS

3/5

Red Apple Icon
★★★★★ 3/5

INTENSITY

3.5/5

Red Apple Icon
★★★★★ 3.5/5
SUNDOWNER BIO

PARENTAGE

Golden Delicious x Lady Williams

ORIGIN

Western Australia

YEAR

1973

AVAILABILITY

Fall – Early Spring

BEST USES

Munching

OTHER NAMES

Cripps Red, Cripps II, Joya

Eat These Apples Instead
Sundowner Is Better Than
More on Sundowner
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Cripps Pink Apple Review

"The Understudy of the Pink Lady"

42
Horse Food
Cripps Pink Apple

Let me be clear: Cripps Pink and Pink Lady Apples are not the same apple. Yes, it is true that Cripps Pink and Pink Lady Apples are the same genetic variety. Certain enterprising breeders may even have the audacity to claim that there is no difference between the two varieties other than a fancy trademark. But do not be fooled! Cripps Pink apples are inferior to the Pink Lady. They are the practice squad, the understudies, the B-Team – a sad, hopeless crop of dashed dreams performing a depressing charade like a group of retirees with a local theater group.

You must earn the title of Pink Lady. And the Cripps Pink apples you see in the store, after being evaluated for sugar content, firmness, color, and blemishes did not make the cut. That’s not to say a few stray Cripps Pinks might not offer a passing note of satisfaction here and there. But if you’re looking for consistency, strong flavor, and a beautiful pink exterior – pay the Cripps Pink no heed.

Taste
Crispness
Skin
Flesh
Juiciness
Density
Beauty
Branding
Cost/Availability

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SWEETNESS

1.5/5

Red Apple Icon
★★★★★ 1.5/5

TARTNESS

1/5

Red Apple Icon
★★★★★ 1/5

INTENSITY

1/5

Red Apple Icon
★★★★★ 1/5
CRIPPS PINK BIO

PARENTAGE

Lady Williams x Golden Delicious

ORIGIN

Western Australia

YEAR

1973

AVAILABILITY

Year-round

BEST USES

Munching, Baking

Eat These Apples Instead
Cripps Pink Is Better Than
More on Cripps Pink
–

Kanzi Apple Review

"The European Party Apple"

93
Superb
Kanzi Apple

🏅 #1 RANKED SOUR APPLE

Keep this apple away from your children. For one bite of this dangerously tart, Sour Warhead-esque European party apple can send even the most hardened chewers down a wormhole of indescribable intensity rendering normal life a feckless charade lacking all discernible stimuli.

The provocative slogan of this fruit-like opioid is “Seduce Life” – a despicable and totally inappropriate combination of words for any occasion, much less a fruit’s mantra. But perhaps the Belgian sociopaths who cooked up this irresistible scourge on humanity uttered these words as a warning. Heed them or become one of the delirious hordes of cocksure maniacs who dared enter the realm of psychedelic ecstasy that is the Kanzi. Once you do, you may never be able to break free from the siren’s embrace.

BONUS POINTS: +3 Taste

Taste
Crispness
Skin
Flesh
Juiciness
Density
Beauty
Branding / Consistency
Cost/Availability

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SWEETNESS

3/5

Red Apple Icon
★★★★★ 3/5

TARTNESS

5/5

Red Apple Icon
★★★★★ 5/5

INTENSITY

100/5

Red Apple Icon
★★★★★ 5/5
KANZI APPLE BIO

PARENTAGE

Gala x Braeburn

ORIGIN

Belgium

YEAR

2004

AVAILABILITY

Late Winter – Early Spring

BEST USES

Party Night, Sour Apple

OTHER NAMES

Nicoter

Similar to Kanzi
Buy Kanzi Instead Of
More on Kanzi Apples
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Wild Twist Apple Review

"A Famous Person's Child"

81
Excellent
Wild Twist Apple

🏅 #5 RANKED SOUR APPLE

This salacious newcomer straight from the balls of apple scientists in sex-crazed Lancaster, Pennsylvania is a serviceable addition to what is becoming a crowded field of genetic freak, cross-bred apples. The “twist” is between the God-like Honeycrisp and bottom of the top list Pink Lady – an audacious combination that is the apple equivalent of a celebrity power couple.

But like most celebrity power couples, their less-hot offspring (while putting out a decent solo album) just can’t live up to their famous parents. Inheriting the hardness of the Pink Lady, and its unfortunate skin that lingers in your mouth like a wet paper bag, the Honeycrisp does the real heavy lifting, elevating this apple onto the bottom of the top list.

BONUS POINTS: +1 Branding

Taste
Crispness
Skin
Flesh
Juiciness
Density
Beauty
Branding / Consistency
Cost/Availability

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SWEETNESS

3/5

Red Apple Icon
★★★★★ 3/5

TARTNESS

3/5

Red Apple Icon
★★★★★ 3/5

INTENSITY

3/5

Red Apple Icon
★★★★★ 3/5
WILD TWIST BIO

PARENTAGE

Honeycrisp x Pink Lady

ORIGIN

Lancaster, Pennsylvania

YEAR

2020

AVAILABILITY

Winter

BEST USES

Munching, Sour Apple

Similar to Wild Twist
Buy Wild Twist Instead Of
More on Wild Twist Apples
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Pink Lady Apple Review

"A Fiery Troublemaker"

86
Excellent
Pink Lady Apple

🏅 #7 RANKED SOUR APPLE

The perfect blend of sweet and tart, this fiery bitch is a headliner at supermarkets worldwide. Not as snappy as you’d like, and dense enough to hammer a nail, this unflappable cart-stopper is a true trailblazer as the first apple name to be awarded a trademark.

But the name “Pink Lady” isn’t just snappy branding. It’s a badge of honor bestowed only upon the worthy. Every year, millions of pitiful Cripps Pink apples desperately cling to the ever-vanishing hope that they would one day ascend past their beggarly form to the vaunted moniker of  “Pink Lady.” But only the true standouts meet this high standard while the undeserving are relegated to the *gag* discount stores. This taxing gauntlet results in a remarkably consistent apple.

BONUS POINTS: +3 Historical Significance, +1 Branding / Consistency

Taste
Crispness
Skin
Flesh
Juiciness
Density
Beauty
Branding / Consistency
Cost/Availability

- FLAVOR PROFILE -

SWEETNESS

2/5

Red Apple Icon
★★★★★ 2/5

TARTNESS

3.5/5

Red Apple Icon
★★★★★ 3.5/5

INTENSITY

3/5

Red Apple Icon
★★★★★ 3/5
PINK LADY BIO

PARENTAGE

Golden Delicious x Lady Williams

ORIGIN

Western Australia

YEAR

1985

AVAILABILITY

Year-round

BEST USES

Munching, Applesauce,

Baking, Sour Apple

Similar to Pink Lady
Buy Pink Lady Instead Of
More on Pink Lady Apples
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