yellow apples

Golden Russet Apple Review

"A Putrid Corpse"

22
Despicable
Golden Russet Apple

This putrid, decomposing, death-fruit is a stinking corpse of an apple that would fit nicely in Wednesday Addams’ lunch box. One of the most foul, horrific looking apples that can be found in America, the Golden Russet is contaminated by the rusted sandpaper skin its namesake implies. But astonishingly, this apple’s zombie-like appearance is not its most striking quality. For this repugnant witch’s curse emits a rancid odor that will make you question whether or not you are eating old fish. Storing well through the winter, its flesh is dense, tough, and chewy like an embalmed cadaver (which quickly devolves into mush like a regular cadaver). That being said, it actually tastes better than it looks – which is not saying much. The Golden Russet is only appropriate for cider production and otherwise should be avoided like the plague.

🏅 #2 RANKED CIDER APPLE

Taste
Crispness
Skin
Flesh
Juiciness
Density
Beauty
Branding
Cost/Availability

- FLAVOR PROFILE -

SWEETNESS

2.5/5

Red Apple Icon
2.5/5

TARTNESS

2.5/5

Red Apple Icon
2.5/5

INTENSITY

1/5

Red Apple Icon
1/5
GOLDEN RUSSET BIO

PARENTAGE

English Golden Russet

ORIGIN

New York State

YEAR

1800s

AVAILABILITY

Late Fall

BEST USES

Cider Production

OTHER NAMES

Bullock’s Pippin, Sheep-nose,

American Golden Russet,

Fox Apple, Long Tom

Blondee Apple Review

"The Mutant Gala"

62
Barely Worth It
Blondee Apple

At the turn of the millennium Tom and Bob McLaughlin (not to be confused with midwest radio hosts Bob and Tom) were taking a folksy stroll through their orchard when something caught their eye. A yellow apple growing on a Gala tree. Now, everyone and their mother knows that Gala apples are red. Not yellow. So how did this freckly, golden invader come to pass? Well – it turns out it was a mutant. A cosmic fluke. An aberration. We’ve all seen variations on a tree before. They’re called “sports” in apple parlance. But a yellow apple growing on a Red Gala tree? Someone call Maury! Or maybe Professor X.

Now, ol’ Tom and Bob may have simple names, but they have big ideas, and this “Yellow Gala”, as it is sometimes referred, was to be cultivated as a brand new apple that would become known as The Blondee – which is a fine name but I personally think the name “Mutant Gala” would’ve sold more apples.

Fascinating origin story aside, the Blondee apple is not the evolutionary superior to the Gala. A little too dense and not quite juicy enough, this rather crunchy, rare early-season yellow apple has a decent flavor complexity ranging from spicy to sweet. But, all-in-all, nothing about this apple warrants the effort it would take to acquire. Basically, if this mutant was an X-Men character, it probably wouldn’t make it into the movies.

Taste
Crispness
Skin
Flesh
Juiciness
Density
Beauty
Branding
Cost/Availability

- FLAVOR PROFILE -

SWEETNESS

3/5

Red Apple Icon
3/5

TARTNESS

0/5

Red Apple Icon
0/5

INTENSITY

3/5

Red Apple Icon
3/5
BLONDEE APPLE BIO

PARENTAGE

Golden Delicious x

Kidd’s Orange Red

ORIGIN

Portsmouth, Ohio

YEAR

2012

AVAILABILITY

Late Summer – Early Fall

BEST USES

Platters, Salads

OTHER NAMES

The Yellow Gala

GoldRush Apple Review

"A Goldmine of Flavor"

76
Very Good
GoldRush Apple

🏅 #1 RANKED CIDER APPLE  | 🏅 #2 RANKED YELLOW APPLE

This pockmarked goiter on a prospector’s neck proves that looks aren’t everything as digging in to this juicy nugget provides a goldmine of spritely flavors ranging from tart to sweet. Searching for gold does not come without hardship however, as the GoldRush Apple has a thicker than desired skin that would require a sturdy pick-axe in the off-season. Thankfully, the lands out west (or confusingly Indiana in this case) graced the GoldRush Apple with a long growing season and an eye-popping shelf-life of seven full months. This is why any experienced mountaineer can tell you that stocking up on these precious apples to get through the harsh winter is a plan as good as gold.

BONUS POINTS: +1 Cider Apple, +2 Longevity

Taste
Crispness
Skin
Flesh
Juiciness
Density
Beauty
Branding / Consistency
Cost/Availability

- FLAVOR PROFILE -

SWEETNESS

3/5

Red Apple Icon
3/5

TARTNESS

2.5/5

Red Apple Icon
2.5/5

INTENSITY

3.5/5

Red Apple Icon
3.5/5
GOLDRUSH BIO

PARENTAGE

Golden Delicious x Winesap

Melrose / Rome / Beauty

ORIGIN

Purdue University

YEAR

1993

AVAILABILITY

Late Fall – Spring

BEST USES

Munching, Dessert, Hard Cider

OTHER NAMES

Co-op38