Newtown Pippin Apple Review
"Long Island's Sand-Filled Condom"

This sand-filled condom from Long Island was choked down in the 1750s by the likes of Thomas Jefferson at Monticello, George Washington at Mount Vernon, and Benjamin Franklin as he declared it his favorite apple. Perhaps the Newtown Pippin was once a great apple whose quality has degraded over the centuries like the crumbling democracy the Founding Fathers established. Or perhaps, after decades of eating pigeon pie and squirrel meat, these wooden-toothed slave owners’ tastebuds are not to be trusted. Either way, in today’s world, aside from being excellent for apple cider production, the Newtown Pippin is a tasteless hunk of malformed donkey shit that should’ve been abolished during the reign of King George III.
BONUS POINTS: +1 Cider
- FLAVOR PROFILE -
SWEETNESS
0.5/5

TARTNESS
3.5/5

INTENSITY
3/5

NEWTOWN PIPPIN BIO
PARENTAGE
Unknown
ORIGIN
Newtown, Long Island
YEAR
1750s
AVAILABILITY
Late Fall – Winter
BEST USES
OTHER NAMES
Albemarle Pippin
Eat These Apples Instead
Pippin Is Better Than
- Violent Revolution
That’s….impressive.
I believe you are mentally ill. Newtown Pippin Apples are super crisp at all times.
The flavor is always good and strong. Stores well for long periods.
I remember Searching unders the Apple Tree in the bed of leaves of honeysuckle in February , Finding apples that dropped…..CHILLED TO A COLD CRISP Perfection . And eating a few waiting for the school bus. A fine heirloom apple .
My grandmother used pippin apples for her homemade apple pie, and it was the best apple pie in the world. With that said, grandma is gone and so is my ability to obtain this apple except online for a very hefty price. The first year I ordered, it was the best apple pie I had since my grandmother’s last Thanksgiving with us. The second year, the apples tasted like pigeon or squirrel meat…certainly didn’t taste good. I called the company and asked if they had sent last year’s apples or a different brand. I haven’t ordered since then.
I decided that I would use my beloved Braeburn apples from now on for my Thanksgiving apple pie. Instead, after four long agonizing years of not finding my beloved Braeburn apples at my local grocery store, HEB the grocery store took mercy on me and had some sent to me (free of charge I might add) from New York (Capitalism can be kind.) I made apple tart, apple butter, apple sauce, and after I got out of the hospital, the remaining apples were made into one last pie.
I don’t know how you feel about Braeburn apples (since I cannot find a review for them here) but I am afraid to ask. With that said, do you know of anyone who sells them online? I really don’t want to try my luck and ask my grocery store to take mercy on me again (and I don’t have it in me to do all that cooking again.)
Thanks,
S. Smith
PS…I have passed on your url to my sister. She is going to love your reviews as much as I do.
Braeburn have been harder and harder to come by and I haven’t been able to get my hands one on in-season for a couple of years now. Hence why there’s no review on this site as of yet. However, I do know it is a pretty good apple and once I start to see them pop up I will let you know!
Braeburns are sickly. No one wants to waste time and space growing a tree that won’t live.
https://minnetonkaorchards.com/disease-resistant-apple-trees/ lists the most sickly to avoid Braeburns have a big section
I’ve never tasted this variety of apple because you can’t find it in stores. It seems like people who have tried it love it. I’m not sure who to belive.
https://youtu.be/pE2ZptbktPw?feature=shared
You could try using an assortment of different apples, that’s what my grandma does. Couple galas, couple Macintosh, a few Granny Smiths, and a couple golden delicious or whatever you can get your hands on. Just do a mix of sweet and tart and absolutely no red delicious
Perhaps the finest apple review ever, even if it is the worst apple!
Haha thank you very much!
I doubt the reviewer ever ate a Newtown Pippin. More likely he was dumped by a girl who happened to like pippins, convulsed at the rejection and responded with this puerile review.
I grow a yellow Newtown pippin and if it is allowed to ripen, which where I live is mid/October, it is crisp, of a perfect sweetness and with a complex and delicious flavor. When combined with a golden delicious makes the best apple pie. Also a very good apple sauce. I’ve never made cider so don’t know if it’s accolade for a great cider is true.
Stead clear of his review and trust mine.
I have never had a Newtown Pippin that I would describe as crisp. Maybe you have a special tree and/or have a special fondness for the apple because you grow it yourself, which is all valid. I, however, have never had a Newtown Pippin apple that wasn’t worthy of utter disdain. As for the cider, the Newtown Pippin is the primary apple used by Martinelli’s to make their apple cider. I think they make a good cider, are probably the most successful cider brand of all time, and have been around since 1868. So, I have to go with their expertise on that front.
You know, I think I actually cried laughing reading this review. Newtown Pippins are my favorite apple. However, I am very aware that they’re disgusting.
Hahaha
They are your favorite apple , yet disgusting??? Frankly I can see people not liking them to eat like a Delicious if you like crisp apple, I don’t. I can’t see how anyone disrespects them as a cooking apple, they are head and shoulders above any I have tried cooked
Where do I find this. I just want to see what you mean by “lump of donkey sh@#”.
Was sent here by my wife, and this is by far the funniest review of a food I’ve ever heard.
As someone who grew up in New England, I’m glad that this apple is getting recognized, even if it’s for the strange taste.
Yes, some people through history really did enjoy them for their weird tanginess, but sometimes they were cooked in/seasoned with a fragrant spice blend. (Maybe cinnamon, mace, etc.)
No, you aren’t *really* supposed to eat them on their own. Cider variety apples are used for cider and (sometimes desserts) because of their higher levels of tannins. This could be the main reason they taste awful.
Superb commentary
I think I recall reading that Newtown Pippins shouldn’t be eaten fresh off the tree and taste better after a few months of storage.
Your revulsion at this apple seems to have fueled a hilarious review, but those founding fathers aren’t the only ones to think highly of Newtown Pippin. The apple is also known as Yellow Newtown and Albemarle Pippin. The book Apples of New York, published in 1905 by the New York Agricultural Experiment Station, says of it that it “is of the highest quality for dessert and excellent for culinary uses”, but also that it differs “markedly in size, color, and quality in different locations and (its) successful cultivation is probably more limited by local conditions than is the case with any other standard commercial variety grown in this state”. Almost a century later, Warren Manhart, the author of Apples for the 21st Century, rated it as the best of fifty varieties. The only Newtown Pippin I’ve tasted was grown in the Midwest. I would describe it at solidly good, but not outstanding. I’d probably place it in the middle of your apple rankings. My two favorite apples are Keepsake and White Winter Pearmain. Neither is easy to find, but both are available for growing from specialty apple nurseries.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Your reviews are great! The positive ones are informative and the negative ones have me in stitches even if you’re shredding an apple variety that I happen to like! Thank you for the laughs. I’m very glad I stumbled upon your blog.
If I might make a suggestion I would love to see you review Gravenstein apples! They’re hard to find nowadays but are still grown in parts of California. I haven’t had one in years but I remember them being amazingly tasty. I’d love to hear what you think!
https://www.orangepippin.com/varieties/apples/gravenstein
https://www.sonomacounty.com/articles/gravenstein_apples
Amazing. Want one for Cox’s Orange Pippin
VAN many petting zoos have a donkey in some type of pen. Even the best caretakers cannot get around to cleaning it up that quickly. 🙂
Amazing website! 10/10 reviews. 5 stars ranking! Please marry me, I also love SweeTango apples and I eat them every day when I can!!
Thank you!!
The Newtown Pippin Apple stands out as the epitome of apple perfection for several compelling reasons, making it the undisputed champion among apple varieties.
1. Unparalleled Taste: The Newtown Pippin Apple boasts an extraordinary flavor profile that is unrivaled by any other apple. Its distinct combination of sweet and tangy notes creates a harmonious balance that tantalizes the taste buds. The apple’s complex flavor evolves as you bite into its crisp, juicy flesh, offering a delightful experience that is both refreshing and satisfying.
2. Versatility in Culinary Applications: Whether you’re a seasoned chef or an enthusiastic home cook, the Newtown Pippin Apple is a dream ingredient. Its firm texture and exceptional juiciness make it perfect for a wide range of culinary applications. From delectable apple pies and tarts to mouthwatering applesauce, cider, and even savory dishes like salads and roasted meats, this apple’s versatility knows no bounds.
3. Rich History and Heritage: The Newtown Pippin Apple has a fascinating historical background that adds to its allure. Originating in the late 17th century in Newtown, New York (now Elmhurst, Queens), this apple variety has been cherished by generations. It was favored by the founding fathers of the United States, including George Washington and Thomas Jefferson, who recognized its exceptional qualities and cultivated it on their estates.
4. Exceptional Storage Capability: One of the most remarkable characteristics of the Newtown Pippin Apple is its impressive storage capability. This apple variety retains its flavor, texture, and juiciness exceptionally well over extended periods. Properly stored, Newtown Pippins can remain fresh and delicious for several months, allowing apple enthusiasts to enjoy their favorite fruit throughout the year.
5. Sustainable and Resilient Growth: Newtown Pippin Apple trees are known for their adaptability and resilience, making them an excellent choice for sustainable agriculture. These trees thrive in various climates and are relatively disease-resistant, reducing the need for excessive pesticide use. By choosing Newtown Pippins, you are supporting environmentally friendly farming practices and contributing to a greener future.
6. Cultural Significance: The Newtown Pippin Apple holds a special place in American culture, having been an integral part of the nation’s history and culinary traditions for centuries. By embracing this apple variety, you are not only savoring a remarkable fruit but also connecting with a shared heritage and a sense of pride in America’s agricultural legacy.
In conclusion, the Newtown Pippin Apple’s unparalleled taste, culinary versatility, rich history, exceptional storage capability, sustainable growth, and cultural significance make it the undisputed choice for apple connoisseurs. Its superior qualities elevate it above other apple varieties, offering a sublime and unforgettable apple experience that leaves a lasting impression.
wtf is this chatgpt nonsense
personally this apple is the best apple on earth, this apple is not a “long island sand filled condom” like people say it is, this apple taste so good and i recommend this to everyone
this apple dogshite
I am adding “Vomitous Filth” to my lexicon, about the only good thing this apple has ever done I’d assume.
I definitely wouldn’t snack on Pippins, but they’re my favorite pie apple, far superior to the ubiquitous and tarter granny Smith. They make amazing pies, and the other apples I’ve tried to use to replace them when we couldn’t get them didn’t come close.
A wonderfully written review, but this is my favorite type of apple! I suppose I am more forgiving towards texture in favor of taste, and the taste is amazing – a perfect and juicy blend of sweet and tart. I’ll admit they’re ugly though XD
And they have thick skins, yes, but I like to munch on the skins after peeling them for apple pie, apple crisp, or apple sauce, all of which are enhanced by this apple’s excellent texture and flavor when cooked.
Thanking TikTok for introducing me to this site to enjoy while on lunch break at work. “Apple Hell” and “Pippin is Better Than: Violent Revolution” have me quiet laughing in the office 🙂
Erm, gadzorp I Love Love Love these apples something about how silly they taste and the fire texture I get when I use them as shampoo I rate these gazorpings a noodle out of pizza
Berry, they didn’t delete my account for signing up.
“Malformed hunk of donkey shit” “sand filled condom” “wooden toothed slave owners'” “degraded like the crumbling democracy of the founding fathers”
Biased✅️
Wrong❌️
Funny✅️
My father always liked Pippen apples best & that’s what my mom always bought at the store. When I was in 1st Grade, we had a Mimeographed sheet from our teacher that we were supposed to color-in the “right” colors of whatever the picture depicted. So on our mimeographed sheets of paper, the instructions read: “Color the Apples”. I colored the Apples “Green” bc that’s what I thought the color should be. But my Teacher marked my paper as WRONG (with a checkmark) bc I didn’t color the Apples Red.
I also had Greg Martinelli as a Physics teacher in my Hippy High school in Palo Alto CA when he was a Grad Student at Stanford.
I love Martinelli’s Apple Juice!
I color my apples red or green
“wooden-toothed slave owners” was so funny i had to take a deep breath
Best apple reviews anywhere. You’re spot on with all the varieties I’ve tried.
Please do Esopus Spitzenberg, supposedly Thomas Jefferson’s favorite apple, or that’s how it’s billed in my local farmers’ markets; and Calville Blanc d’Hiver, labeled as the “most popular apple in France for baking,” which from what I know of French pastry seems a vile canard.
guys please stop saying such mean things about this apple
without me >:)
Somehow you managed to build an analogy from an apple variety compared to a condom, with democracy in the US. Me and the boys in the server had a great time with your website, thank you very much
I am so surprised by this outcome because Pippin apples have always been my #1 choice for green apples (and I work in pastry if that adds any emphasis.) Are we eating the same variety of apple??? Have the legendary apple farming gods of Northern California blessed me with good Pippins??? Very genuine questions as I did not expect to feel attacked while I leisurely came across this comprehensive apple PR.
the person above me should be flamed for eternity for saying such mean things about this apple like do you huys think it had fellings or somethung like geez guys i thiught this was like a an ooen communnity but i guess the apple fans are just a bunch of haters who hate against innoceng apples i dont think i will be in this community anymore after this . GOIDBYE.
This apple was the best apple ever
this apple is cool
We have Pippin apples here in Sweden, and they are excellent. Either your apples are degenerate or your tastebuds are.
Possibly the same tastebud affliction that had turned American coffee into what it is (f***ing close to water, as Monty Python would have said).