Ruby Jon Apple Review

"A Spirited Himbo"

59
Barely Worth It
Ruby Jon Apple

A blisteringly hot himbo of deep crimson complexion, RubyJon is truly a feast for the eyes. A sport (variety from the same tree) of the peculiar Jonathan Apple, this magnetic vision of an idealized form is a stunning delight to behold, unblemished and over-confident, fit to be wielded in temptation by Queen Grimhilde herself. But like most objects which are upsettingly attractive, RubyJon is quite dense and lacks the personality to justify its external advantage. Delivering an initial thrust of satisfying tartness, this apple straddles the line between mealy and crisp, juicy and dry, and is draped with a hefty skin, soiling its initial enchantment. Not to be totally disregarded, RubyJon is an exhilarating piece of eye candy well-suited for an hour of harmless fun in the backroom of a Chippendales.

BONUS POINTS: +3 Beauty

Taste
Crispness
Skin
Flesh
Juiciness
Density
Beauty
Branding / CONSISTENCY
Cost/Availability

- FLAVOR PROFILE -

SWEETNESS

1/5

Red Apple Icon
1/5

TARTNESS

2.5/5

Red Apple Icon
2.5/5

INTENSITY

2/5

Red Apple Icon
2/5
RUBY JON BIO

PARENTAGE

Jonathan Sport

ORIGIN

Northeast US

YEAR

Unknown

AVAILABILITY

Fall

BEST USES

Munching,  Applesauce, Cider

OTHER NAMES

Jackson Johnson

3 thoughts on “Ruby Jon Apple Review”

  1. coming back after reading other reviews, it seems like there are indeed many varieties of apple that you would like to fuck. which is awesome

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