Kanzi Apple Review

"The European Party Apple"

Kanzi Apple


Keep this apple away from your children. For one bite of this dangerously tart, Sour Warhead-esque European party apple can send even the most hardened chewers down a wormhole of indescribable intensity rendering normal life a feckless charade lacking all discernible stimuli.

The provocative slogan of this fruit-like opioid is “Seduce Life” – a despicable and totally inappropriate combination of words for any occasion, much less a fruit’s mantra. But perhaps the Belgian sociopaths who cooked up this irresistible scourge on humanity uttered these words as a warning. Heed them or become one of the delirious hordes of cocksure maniacs who dared enter the realm of psychedelic ecstasy that is the Kanzi. Once you do, you may never be able to break free from the siren’s embrace.


Branding / Consistency




Red Apple Icon



Red Apple Icon



Red Apple Icon


Gala x Braeburn






Late Winter – Early Spring


Party Night, Sour Apple



20 thoughts on “Kanzi Apple Review”

  1. I bought kanzi apples a few months ago and addicted.
    I never ate apples, always something l didn’t like to eat but cooked them instead.
    I just love these apples and will eat them every day as the flavours are awesome and skin isn’t thick like some, and soooo juicy, absolutely delicious and won’t buy anything else now, thanks for this beautiful piece of pure delight and orgasm of the mouth.

  2. As a fellow apple enthusiast I am seriously LOSING my shit at this website. Hilarious takes but also super accurate?
    This apple really is that intense! Never have I been so blown away by the amount of flavor packed in an apple.

    Currently working on some illustrations for the apples I love and the Kanzi one would not be complete without bright colors and confetti.
    Keep up the great reviews, man!

    1. Please do one for Pink Lady! Envy is delicious too but not as striking an appearance IMHO. Maybe the Appleist would be willing to add yours to the apples that deserve it 😀

  3. So apparently this is one of those “amazing for five minutes” varieties. Once again I was excited to finally find some to try based on your reviews, and once again utterly disappointed. Juicy but mushy, and the taste is sour, and…sour. Not even the sourest I’ve had, but that was the only flavor present. If I find them again earlier in the season I’ll debate whether I want to risk wasting my money again, but this was the first time they’ve appeared around here.

    1. When fresh the Kanzi is not a mushy apple. If you got a mushy Kanzi, it probably wasn’t in season. These are grown all over the world. Many in Europe, but also in Australia, and the US. There are quality standards associated with Kanzi (unlike other apple varieties without brand integrity to maintain), but you still could wind up with an apple that has been previously frozen in storage or shipped across the world to get to your grocery store. This is especially true if you don’t normally see them in your local grocery store. It’s always best to get apples that are locally grown. So, if you live in New York you may swear by the Macoun Apple, but if you live in Australia and one happens to make it to your grocery store, you would think it was unholy garbage. Since the Kanzi is grown in many places, it is good to cross check the distributor (usually can be found on label) with the season.

  4. If it’s not grown here then getting a fresh one won’t be an option ‍♀️ I keep an eye out at several stores.

  5. I’ve been alive 36 years and have only tolerated apples this entire time. Found Kanzi at Central Market a couple of weeks ago and I’m undone. I will now drive 30+ minutes for just these apples.

  6. Pinata/plinova are having a really good year, and Envy and Evercrisp are fighting to be my current favorite overall (with zestar and koru in the running) but Kanzi is a reliably fantastic apple when you dont want to risk whether some apples are having a good year or want to worry whether everyone in the family will enjoy it. Maybe I Dont enjoy “easily yummy” enough- I’m always trying everything that doesnt have “delicious” in the name every year- but it at least deserves its special sticker.

  7. this apple is tite. i find many apples too big/dense and want to stop halfway through. but i’m taking bites out the whole apple so i gotta finish it. kanzi apple, i ate like a fricking donut. delicious sweet-sour flavor, and it bites so easily. gone in 60 seconds.

  8. I found Kanzi apples in a local supermarket for the first time ever yesterday, and based upon this review, I picked them over my long-time favourite Jazz apples. I tried one today expecting greatness and instead I got a faintly sweet, not at all sour and mushy mess. Not a terrible apple but too reminiscent of a mushy braeburn for me to enjoy it.

    You’ve said in a previous comment that a mushy Kanzi apple is probably down to not being fresh, being out of season, previously frozen, etc. and I would be willing to try them again if I ever find them again. However, this Kanzi apple’s poor showing, alongside your middling review of Jazz apples, has made me question everything.

  9. As a sensory-seeking, granny smith loving, strangle little freak child, I NEED to get my hands on this. I am eve and you are the snake holding out the forbidden fruit to me.

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