Silken Apple Review
"The Canadian Charity Case"

This fragile mayfly of an apple is so easily bruised and spoiled that its purchase should be considered a tax-deductible donation to charity. Gallantly suffering through a miserable four weeks of tortured existence, The Silken Apple is the closest a fruit can come to being diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Only in the sanctuary of Canada’s socialized healthcare system could this delicate, albino make-a-wish apple survive long enough for its already festering innards to reach our tables. Barely mustering a mild sweetness that could coax a forced smile from the heedlessly sympathetic, the slogan for this pitiable tragedy-fruit should be: “Why go on?”
FUN FACT: This apple is named after Canadian Olympic rower Silken Laumann – which I can only assume was meant as a sarcastic insult to an athlete who was famously resilient in her storied career.
- FLAVOR PROFILE -
SWEETNESS
2/5

TARTNESS
1.5/5

INTENSITY
1.5/5

SILKEN BIO
PARENTAGE
Honeygold x Sunrise
ORIGIN
Summerland, British Columbia,
Canada
YEAR
1999
AVAILABILITY
Early Fall Only
BEST USES
This particular review made me laugh in such a way that my roommates checked on me to make sure I wasn’t dying. I endeavour to inflict this apple on them as payback.
Please add the Salt Spring Apple Festival (http://saltspringapplefestival.org/) to your list “More on Silken Apples”. I grew up on MacIntosh – which in my memory were wonderful but which now, unless you get them right off the tree at the right moment, turn soft. I’ve always hated Red Delicious. I love Gravenstein, Cortland, Spartan, Bramley, King and old European apples such as Russets, Belle de Boskoop.