Silken Apple Review

"The Canadian Charity Case"

36
Horse Food
Silken Apple

This fragile mayfly of an apple is so easily bruised and spoiled that its purchase should be considered a tax-deductible donation to charity. Gallantly suffering through a miserable four weeks of tortured existence, The Silken Apple is the closest a fruit can come to being diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Only in the sanctuary of Canada’s socialized healthcare system could this delicate, albino make-a-wish apple survive long enough for its already festering innards to reach our tables. Barely mustering a mild sweetness that could coax a forced smile from the heedlessly sympathetic, the slogan for this pitiable tragedy-fruit should be: “Why go on?”

FUN FACT: This apple is named after Canadian Olympic rower Silken Laumann – which I can only assume was meant as a sarcastic insult to an athlete who was famously resilient in her storied career.

Taste
Crispness
Skin
Flesh
Juiciness
Density
Beauty
Branding / CONSISTENCY
Cost / Availability

- FLAVOR PROFILE -

SWEETNESS

2/5

Red Apple Icon
2/5

TARTNESS

1.5/5

Red Apple Icon
1.5/5

INTENSITY

1.5/5

Red Apple Icon
1.5/5
SILKEN BIO

PARENTAGE

Honeygold x Sunrise

ORIGIN

Summerland, British Columbia,

Canada

YEAR

1999

AVAILABILITY

Early Fall Only

BEST USES

Munching

2 thoughts on “Silken Apple Review”

  1. This particular review made me laugh in such a way that my roommates checked on me to make sure I wasn’t dying. I endeavour to inflict this apple on them as payback.

  2. Please add the Salt Spring Apple Festival (http://saltspringapplefestival.org/) to your list “More on Silken Apples”. I grew up on MacIntosh – which in my memory were wonderful but which now, unless you get them right off the tree at the right moment, turn soft. I’ve always hated Red Delicious. I love Gravenstein, Cortland, Spartan, Bramley, King and old European apples such as Russets, Belle de Boskoop.

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