This Italian disgrace, named after famed artist Amedeo Modigliani, is a flavorless lump whose taste is indiscernible from a paper napkin spit on by a donkey. Only those familiar with Modigliani’s work – so, no one – can fully appreciate the appropriateness of this apple’s name. His paintings of distorted, mirthless faces both resemble the warped contours of this knobbly crank as well as the dissatisfied facial expressions of those unfortunate enough to choke down a fruit destined to be forgotten by history. Bonus points for being bred with greenhouse gas emissions in mind.