APPLE RANKINGS The definitive list of good and bad apples. Generic selectors Exact matches only Exact matches only Search in title Search in title Search in content Search in content Search in excerpt Post Type Selectors post post THE OFFICIAL APPLE RANKINGS This list is 100% accurate. TOP APPLES SweeTango Apples "The Greatest of All Time" 93 Superb Honeycrisp Apples "The Worldwide Favorite" 91 Superb Kanzi Apples "The European Party Apple" 90 Superb SnapDragon Apples "A Chomp-Worthy Newcomer" 83 Very Good Wild Twist Apples "A Famous Person's Child" 81 Very Good Envy Apples "Great Apple for Robust Chewers" 80 Very Good Lucy Glo Apples "The Breathtaking Circus Freak" 80 Very Good Pink Lady Apples "A Fiery Troublemaker" 80 Very Good MEDIOCRE APPLES Rave Apples "The Knockoff Brand Honeycrisp" 79 Pretty Good GoldRush Apples "A Goldmine of Flavor" 76 Pretty Good EverCrisp Apples "The Jawbreaker" 76 Pretty Good Cosmic Crisp Apples "The Most Overhyped Apple of All Time" 76 Pretty Good Ludacrisp Apples "The Dirty South Rapple" 75 Mediocre Braeburn Apples "The Civil Rights Apple" 73 Mediocre King David Apples "The Tart of Arkansas" 73 Mediocre Gala Apples "The Inoffensive Mainstay" 70 Mediocre SugarBee Apples "A B-List Apple from Bees" 70 Mediocre Candy Crisp Apples "A Pear-Cucked Red Delicious" 69 Serviceable Ruby Frost Apples "Thick-Skinned New York Fuckboi" 69 Serviceable Lucy Rose Apples "The Shallow Person's Regret" 68 Serviceable Opal Apples "A Tasty Unwiped Anus" 68 Serviceable Sundowner (Cripps Red) Apples "Pink Lady's Ugly Brother" 67 Serviceable Jazz Apples "A Disharmony of Flavor Notes" 65 Serviceable Empire Apples "A Spunky Optimist" 65 Serviceable WineCrisp Apples "A Bottom-Shelf Vintage" 65 Serviceable Juici Apples "A Pandering Litigious Gigolo" 65 Serviceable Macoun Apples "The One-Night Stand" 63 Barely Worth It Lemonade Apples "The Not Quite Lemonade Apple" 63 Barely Worth It Blondee Apples "The Mutant Gala" 62 Barely Worth It Hunnyz Apples "The Worst Named Apple" 60 Barely Worth It Pazazz Apples "The Desperate Musical Theater Major" 60 Barely Worth It Green Dragon Apples "A Disenchanting Legend" 59 Barely Worth It Rockit Apples "Bite-Sized Space Junk" 59 Barely Worth It Top Secret Apples "A Dead-End Conspiracy Theory" 58 Barely Worth It Jonagold Apples "A Forgettable College Friend" 57 Barely Worth It Lady Alice Apples "A Perfectly Nice Lady" 56 Barely Worth It Mutsu (Crispin) Apples "The Rich Man's Jalopy" 55 Barely Worth It Ambrosia Apples "The False Idol" 55 Barely Worth It Granny Smith Apples "The Original Sour Apple" 55 Barely Worth It Koru (Plumac) Apples "The Middle of the Pack" 55 Barely Worth It PURE SHIT APPLES Cortland Apples "A Damp Hacky Sack" 51 Not Worth Eating Autumn Glory Apples "The Glory Hole of Apples" 51 Not Worth Eating Sweetie Apples "A Watery Grave" 51 Not Worth Eating Cameo Apples "An Unwelcome Guest" 50 Not Worth Eating Pinova (Piñata) Apples "A Papier Mache Fruit Husk" 50 Not Worth Eating Fuji Apples "Japan's Crappy Boyfriend" 48 Horse Food McIntosh Apples "A Seal-Skinned Canadian Letdown" 45 Horse Food Modi Apples "The Italian Disgrace" 44 Horse Food Melrose Apples "The All-American Apple" 43 Horse Food Cripps Pink Apples "The Understudy to the Pink Lady" 42 Horse Food Smitten Apples "The Curb Stomp of Apples" 42 Horse Food Kiku Apples "A Fuji In Disguise" 42 Horse Food Stayman Winesap Apples "A Civil War Era Mistake" 41 Horse Food Jonathan Apples "An Odd Homeschooled Boy" 39 Horse Food MiApple Apples "The Narc of Apples" 39 Horse Food Golden Delicious Apples "The West Virginia Has-Been" 33 Horse Food Crimson Gold Apples "A Crabapple in Disguise" 31 Horse Food Rome Apples "Queen of the Baking Apple" 28 Despicable Red Delicious Apples "Coffee Grinds in a Leather Glove" 25 Despicable Arkansas Black Apples "A Teeth-Shattering Oddity" 23 Despicable APPLE HELL Newtown Pippin Apples "Long Island's Sand-Filled Condom" 19 Vomitous Filth
