Wolf River Apple Review
"The Midwestern Sledgehammer"
This puke-stained Wisconsin bowling ball of an apple could hammer a rusty nail into a slab of frozen concrete. Disturbingly solid like a northern lake in the dead of winter, it would be entirely justified to eat this fruit while wearing a helmet. If a power auger is on hand to penetrate the Wolf River’s unforgiving surface, rugged eaters will be rewarded for their toil with a lakebed of barely dampened, quickly-browning undergirth contaminated by deceptively tart agricultural runoff. Only to be used as a robust baking or drying fruit, the Wolf River Apple feels more at home in a frontier cabin’s tool shed than a grocery store shelf.
BONUS POINTS: +1 Self-Pollinating (grows true to seed), +1 Baking, +1 Apple Butter
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