university of minnesota

Unworthy of the exclamation point that follows this failed magician’s catchphrase of an apple, the Zestar! delivers an underwhelming performance featuring an array of disillusioning tricks that would make a lowly pear seem magical. Be amazed as its leathery skin sloughs off like a sheet covering a tacky stage prop. Let your imagination run wild as its ill-constructed flesh turns to brown mush before your eyes! Sit back in awe as a snappy torrent of juiciness is accompanied by a flavor that disappears in an instant! Did the heretofore promised hint of brown sugar even exist? Who cares? It’s gone now. And all sales are final! But despite conjuring a litany of disappointment, the Zestar! preserved enough redeemable qualities to pull at least one impressive trick out of its sleeve: It sired the otherworldly SweeTango Apple – an astounding feat that justifies a life of sub-optimal wizardry.

BONUS POINTS: +2 Lineage