starkspur

🏅 #8 RANKED SOUR APPLE |🏅 #9 RANKED CIDER APPLE

Aside from the striking white flesh and splash of tartness, there’s not much good that can be said about the damp hacky sack left outside a frat house all winter known as the Cortland Apple. Discovered in 1898, in the remarkably not Cortland city of Geneva, NY this flattened McIntosh sandbag of shit continues the age-old tradition of dragging the apple reputation of New York State into the sewer. A cold weather apple that can’t stay fresh for very long, the not-Geneva Apple loses its fledgling tartness, paltry sweetness, and illusory crispness too quickly to provide average consumers the opportunity to avoid eating slimy white dirt. And yet, the Cortland remains one of New York’s top produced apples, an enigma that further denigrates the shameful pedigree of The Big Crapple.

BONUS POINTS: +1 Cider Apple