splendor

These bite-sized lumps of space junk are more of a celestial fascination than an apple. Cutting-edge technology places each reddish star child in a plastic bottle rocket, pre-washed and ready to eat like an astronaut’s prefab lunch. This allows weary travelers to munch these singularities straight from the fridge-space-nightmare bucket without fear of contracting cosmic bacteria. Unfortunately, each exceptionally crunchy bite is decimated by an apparent black hole, instantly sucking all taste and juiciness into inescapable oblivion. This phenomenon creates an unfathomable anti-matter apple leaving you munching a nothingness too profound to comprehend. Are these apples the dark matter physicists have been in search of for decades? I wouldn’t rule it out.

BONUS POINTS: +1 Good for Kids, +1 Innovation