MAIA

Intentional or not, this hefty behemoth of an apple is named after Dirty South rapper Ludacris of “Move B***** Get Out Da Way” fame. The word ludicrous is spelled with an “I”. The rapper Ludacris is spelled with an “A”. And so, naming an apple Ludacrisp (with an “A”) is an obvious homage to the early-2000s undisputed king of southern hospitality. Yet, in a baffling omission, the Midwest Apple Improvement Association seems to purposely ignore this blatant connection:

“The name Ludacrisp® is a play on the word “ludicrous,” meaning something that is absurd, joking, nonsensical, and playful. The apple’s name was created to make people smile.”

And so, just like the Spotify playlists of the midwest farmers who named it, Ludacris is nowhere to be found. Admittedly, it would be difficult to sell a supermarket on a dirty south rapple with a sign that says “Move Pears Get Out Da Way.” Perhaps it’s best the connection remain unspoken, and those who know, just know?

To be fair, the discoverer of this apple wished to call it the “Juicy Fruit” – because it tastes like the shitty gum. Which is not only a stupid name – it is also a trademarked name and therefore, impossible. However, Juicy Fruit may be a more appropriate label than Ludacrisp since while this apple is only moderately crispy, it is, in fact, ludicrously juicy. As juicy as a ho’s ass – as Luda might say. On the flip side, like Luda’s raunchy lyrics, this apple packs a powerful flavor-punch that will remain incredibly divisive.

And so, despite the confusion surrounding the name, the Ludacrisp is a must-try apple. After one ho-smacking bite, you’ll either be calling the FCC to have it banned, or telling the other apples in your fridge to get out da way.

BONUS POINTS: +2 Juiciness