green dragon

A mythical Japanese heirloom from the 1920s, this smallish, freckly, green beast has been reborn in the modern-day Pacific Northwest and masterfully re-branded by apple alchemists as the mighty Green DragonTM. But despite finding success as an Asian export, the days of yore when dragons ruled the Earth shall not be relived. For any that dare venture into the depths of the Green Dragon’s lair may be rewarded by a treasure-trove of flavor complexities but will be quickly punished by a bruise resistant dragon-scale skin that will cut into your throat like the blade of Excalibur. With each bite, any initial juicy burst dissipates instantaneously as if met by white-hot dragon-fire as the saccharine sweetness, only matched by a maiden’s embrace, fades into the realm of forgotten lore. Alas, this dragon is not the staggering legend the packaging portends. And, thus, those galant souls who brought this underwhelming monster back into the fold are, sadly, unworthy of a knighthood.