albert etter

🏅 #7 RANKED SOUR APPLE

This freakish goblin-fruit was cobbled together in the 1940s by a deranged horticulturist hell-bent on terrorizing super-market shoppers as they drifted through their desultory post-war malaise. An exquisitely tart, swamp beast of an apple, the true horror of this Karloffian-era monstrosity lies within, as its translucent alien-skin gives way to a red, bleeding flesh portending the hidden Communist threat that would soon dominate the nightmares of a generation. Tantalizing for a brief hypnotic moment, the Pink Pearl can only maintain its integrity for a short time (about two weeks after being picked) before crumbling under its own corrupt ideals, leaving behind a mealy, juiceless, failed state that must be driven back to the diabolical orchards from which it emerged.

BONUS POINTS: +3 Uniqueness